The bumper collection of golf quotes

Golf Quotes Part 1

 

There are two things you can do with your head down — play golf and pray.
Lee Trevino

There are two things you can do with your head down

One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water.
Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament

 

Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.
Tommy Armour

 

Trevino is in a league by himself. We don’t even count him. We figure when you come in second, you’re a winner.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

 

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

 

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
Phyllis Diller

 

Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.
Peter Dobereiner

 

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Pete Dye

One hundred years of experience had demonstrated that the game is temporary insanity practiced in a pasture.
Dave Kindred

 

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you’ve found a man about to make a difficult putt.
Fletcher Knebel

 

Playing the game I have learned the meaning of humility. It has given me an understanding of futility of the human effort.
Abba Eban

 

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.
Chi Chi Rodriguez

 

Everybody can see that my swing is homegrown. That means everybody has a chance to do it.
Bubba Watson

 

Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
Tiger Woods

 

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser.
Arnold Palmer

 

When it’s breezy, hit it easy.
Davis Love, Jr.

 

It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place this world is when one is playing golf.
Robert Lynd

 

Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course — the distance between your ears.
Bobby Jones

 

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop

I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
Harry Toscano

 

I’m about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That’s the distance my left ear is from my right.
Ben Crenshaw

 

I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.
Gerald Ford

 

The only sure rule in golf is – he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.
Mickey Mantle

 

Golf’s three ugliest words: still your shot.
Dave Marr

 

As far as swing and techniques are concerned, I don’t know diddly squat. When I’m playing well, I don’t even take aim.
Fred Couples

 

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
Sam Snead

 

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
Dean Martin

 

Golf is played by twenty million, mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop

 

Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
Phil Blackmar

 

Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.
A.A. Milne

 

If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
Thomas Mulligan

 

Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. A dinner without wine.
Jim Murray

 

The only thing you should force in a golf swing is the club back in the bag.
Byron Nelson

 

Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
Al Boliska

 

Never break your putter and your driver in the same round or you’re dead.
Tommy Bolt

 

I may be the only golfer never to have broken a single putter, if you don’t count the one I twisted into a loop and threw into a bush.
Thomas Boswell

 

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
Huxtable Pippey

 

If you think your hands are more important in your golf swing than your legs, try walking a hole on your hands.
Gary Player

 

Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own, as well as your opponent’s.
Grantland Rice

 

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
Lord Robertson

 

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
Author Unknown

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose
Gerald Ford

 

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
Lee Trevino

 

I’ve spent most of my life golfing — the rest I’ve just wasted.
Author Unknown

 

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
Raymond Floyd

 

Golf Quotes Part 2

 

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
Lee Trevino

 

Golf is essentially an exercise in masochism conducted out-of-doors.
Paul O’Neil

 

A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.

Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.

Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Gone to the course — be back dark thirty.

Born to golf. Forced to work.

 

Golf is the hardest game in the world. There is no way you can ever get it. Just when you think you do, the game jumps up and puts you in your place.
Ben Crenshaw

 

I can airmail the golf ball, but sometimes I don’t put the right address on it.
Jim Dent

 

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny

 

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
Winston Churchill

 

Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.
Henry Cotton

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
Bob Hope

I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age

My golf is improving. Yesterday I hit the ball in one!
Jane Swan

 

I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
Harry Toscano

 

If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.
Bob Hope

 

I’ll shoot my age if I have to live to be 105.
Bob Hope

 

“Play it as it lies” is one of the fundamental dictates of golf. The other is “Wear it if it clashes.”
Henry Beard

 

The more you play it the less you know about it.
Patty Berg

 

No one ever swung too slowly.
Bobby Jones

 

Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. You get bad breaks from good shots; you get good breaks from bad shots – but you have to play the ball where it lies.
Bobby Jones

 

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses.
Adlai Stevenson

 

When the ducks are walking, you know it is too windy to be playing golf.
Dave Stockton

 

Golf is the only game I know of that actually becomes harder the longer you play it.
Bobby Jones

You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about.
Bobby Jones

 

To some, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.
Unknown

 

It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
Hank Aaron

 

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the divot.
Don Adams

 

I never learned anything from a match that I won.
Bobby Jones

 

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game. It is called an eraser.
Arnold Palmer

 

What other people may find in poetry or art museums, I find in the flight of a good drive.
Arnold Palmer

 

I’ve always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didnt have a chance to win.
Arnold Palmer

 

To give yourself the best possible chance of playing to your potential, you must prepare for every eventuality. That means practice.
Seve Ballesteros

 

Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.
Ernie Banks

 

When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
Henry Beard

Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.
Arnold Palmer

 

It’s good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

 

I’d play every day if I could. It’s cheaper than a shrink and there are no telephones on my golf cart.
Brent Musburger

 

Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
Huxtable Pippey

 

My handicap? Woods and irons.
Chris Codiroli

 

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
John Updike

 

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain

 

The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.
Arnold Palmer

 

It’s a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.
Arnold Palmer

 

Golf Quotes Part 3

 

Of all the hazards, fear is the worst.
Sam Snead

 

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.
Sam Snead

 

Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.
Art Rosenbaum

 

A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.
Bob Ryan

 

Forget your opponents; always play against par.
Sam Snead

 

Talking to a golf ball won’t do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
Bruce Lansky

 

The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is – don’t.
Tony Lema

 

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
Jack Lemmon

 

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
Sam Snead

 

Practice puts brains in your muscles.
Sam Snead

 

A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.
Unknown

 

The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is the pencil.
Unknown

 

I’ve spent most of my life golfing – the rest I’ve just wasted.
Unknown

 

When I die, bury me on the course so my husband will visit.
Unknown

 

A game in which you claim the privileges of age, and retain the playthings of childhood.
Unknown

 

You can’t go into a shop and buy a good game of golf.
Sam Snead

 

If some players took a fork to their mouths the way they take the club back, they’d starve to death.
Sam Snead

 

There are no short hitters on the tour anymore – just long and unbelievably long.
Sam Snead

 

I don’t like to watch golf on television because I can’t stand people who whisper.
David Brenner

 

The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don’t really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.
Robert Browning

 

You know you’re on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.
Bob Bruce

 

One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball.
Don Carter

 

These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.
Sam Snead

Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt.
Sam Snead

 

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
Lee Trevino

 

Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
Lee Trevino

 

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
Lee Trevino

 

Golf is a better game played downhill.
Jack Nicklaus

 

Golf is 20 percent mechanics and technique. The other 80 pecent is philosophy, humor, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness and conversation.
Grantland Rice

 

You are meant to play the ball as it lies, a fact that may help to touch on your own objective approach to life.
Grantland Rice

 

A kid grows up a lot faster on the course. Golf teaches you how to behave.
Jack Nicklaus

 

One minute you’re bleeding. The next minute you’re hemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa.
Mac O’Grady

 

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
P.J. O’Rourke

Real pressure in golf is playing for $10 when you’ve only got $5 in your pocket.
Lee Trevino

 

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
Billy Graham

 

When you hear someone shout “You da man,” if he ain’t shouting at Arnold Palmer, then it ain’t da man.
Ron Green

 

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
Paul Harvey

 

You can talk to a fade but a hook won’t listen.
Lee Trevino

 

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play.
Gary Player

 

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around.
Rick Reilly

 

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
Lee Trevino

 

There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.
Lee Trevino

 

Golf Quotes Part 4

 

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I’d spent about half the day in the woods.
Jeff Foxworthy

 

The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.
Ernest Hemingway

 

The most important shot in golf is the next one.
Ben Hogan

 

One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot – the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.
Peter Jacobsen

 

I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.
Joe E. Lewis

 

If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using “an outside agency” and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.
Henry Longhurst

 

A routine is not a routine if you have to think about it.
Davis Love, Jr.

 

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
Ben Hogan

 

May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters.
Ben Hogan

 

Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you’re the best.
Jack Nicklaus

 

It takes hundreds of good golf shots to gain confidence, but only one bad one to lose it.
Jack Nicklaus

 

Golf is the most useless outdoor game ever devised to waste the time and try the spirit of man.
Westbrook Pegler

 

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.
Ben Hogan

 

There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground.
Ben Hogan

 

Concentrate on hitting the green. The cup will come to you.
Cary Middlecoff

 

Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap.
Bobby Nichols

Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap

Golf is 20 percent talent and 80 percent management.
Ben Hogan

 

You can’t call it a sport. You don’t run, jump, you don’t shoot, you don’t pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don’t match.
Steve Sax

 

A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.
Osbert Sitwell

 

It’s so bad I could putt off a tabletop and still leave the ball halfway down the leg.
J.C. Snead

 

This is a game of misses. The guy who misses the best is going to win.
Ben Hogan

 

The golf swing is like a suitcase into which we are trying to pack one too many things.
John Updike

 

Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
John Updike

 

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
Harry Vardon

 

Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backwards.
Ken Venturi, on Art Rosenbaum

 

The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree.
Brian Weis